Wednesday, October 10, 2007
What was that commandment, again?
A thief in Singapore has been jailed, for stealing a Bible!
Apparently his own bible was old and dog-eared, so he decided to pilfer a new one. Sentencing him to 4 months in prison, the judge reminded him that the Bible says "Thou shalt not steal". Leaving aside concerns that this may refer to kidnapping people rather than stealing objects, one has to wonder what was going on with in the thief's mind. If he was going to disregard the ten commandments, why on earth did he need a copy of the good book?
Well, he will have plenty of time to read the commandments in jail.
Read more about the thief who broke a commandment in order to get a copy of the commandments at StraitsTimes.com.
Apparently his own bible was old and dog-eared, so he decided to pilfer a new one. Sentencing him to 4 months in prison, the judge reminded him that the Bible says "Thou shalt not steal". Leaving aside concerns that this may refer to kidnapping people rather than stealing objects, one has to wonder what was going on with in the thief's mind. If he was going to disregard the ten commandments, why on earth did he need a copy of the good book?
Well, he will have plenty of time to read the commandments in jail.
Read more about the thief who broke a commandment in order to get a copy of the commandments at StraitsTimes.com.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Alligator Attempts to Eat Bad Golfer
A bad golfer has had a miracle escape from being eaten by an alligator in Florida.
The golfer managed to hack a ball into a pond, then went in to retrieve it. He was attacked by a one-eyed alligator, which bit him on the arm.
The attack happened on the 5th hole. This may be significant because it is early on the course, meaning that golfers will not have had enough fresh air to sober up. The reason for the gator being blind in one eye is not revealed. It may well have been hit by a golf ball and decided to eat the next golfer who waded into its habitat.
In the present day, everybody is constantly whining about global warming. This causes them to take their eye off the ball, as it were, and stop thinking about mankind's other influences on the environment. Golfers must be stopped from bopping wildlife on the noggin with golf balls. However, as major oil companies and political lobbyists are all golfers, this torrent of wildlife destruction will continue unabated.
As for the Florida golf course in question, they have safeguarded players on their course by installing a protective device, namely a sign reading "Beware of Alligator."
Read more about the golfer who was nearly eaten by an alligator at FoxNews.com.
The golfer managed to hack a ball into a pond, then went in to retrieve it. He was attacked by a one-eyed alligator, which bit him on the arm.
The attack happened on the 5th hole. This may be significant because it is early on the course, meaning that golfers will not have had enough fresh air to sober up. The reason for the gator being blind in one eye is not revealed. It may well have been hit by a golf ball and decided to eat the next golfer who waded into its habitat.
In the present day, everybody is constantly whining about global warming. This causes them to take their eye off the ball, as it were, and stop thinking about mankind's other influences on the environment. Golfers must be stopped from bopping wildlife on the noggin with golf balls. However, as major oil companies and political lobbyists are all golfers, this torrent of wildlife destruction will continue unabated.
As for the Florida golf course in question, they have safeguarded players on their course by installing a protective device, namely a sign reading "Beware of Alligator."
Read more about the golfer who was nearly eaten by an alligator at FoxNews.com.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Unwanted Gift Causes Freakout
A Japanese man has freaked out and destroyed his boss's office after discovering that the boss hadn't eaten a gift of jelly desserts. The worker went mental after finding the gift dumped under a desk.
This should strike fear into all of our hearts. How many of us have an unwanted shirt or DVD kicking around the place unused? Pretty much everyone! Imagine if your grandmother went psycho and started trashing your house when she found that hideous pair of socks in the back of a drawer, unworn? You'd feel pretty bad when she started beating you over the head with an umbrella and chucked your TV out the window in a fit of rage.
Hide your unwanted gifts well. You have been warned!
Read more about the unwanted gift that sent a worker loopy at Yahoo News.
This should strike fear into all of our hearts. How many of us have an unwanted shirt or DVD kicking around the place unused? Pretty much everyone! Imagine if your grandmother went psycho and started trashing your house when she found that hideous pair of socks in the back of a drawer, unworn? You'd feel pretty bad when she started beating you over the head with an umbrella and chucked your TV out the window in a fit of rage.
Hide your unwanted gifts well. You have been warned!
Read more about the unwanted gift that sent a worker loopy at Yahoo News.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
73 Year Old Man Fails High School Exams
An Indian man has failed his high school exams. He is 73 years old, and has taken the exams every year since 1969, when he decided to get an education. Apparently the problem subject is maths, but he is good at Sanskrit.
Sometimes, you just have to acknowledge that you don't have it. Sometimes you have to take the hint and give up. That hint was given to this man some time ago, probably when he failed the exams the first time, and certainly before the 38th time.
Clearly, this man has done well to reach the age of 73. Why bother with qualifications designed for 15 year olds? He has been to the university of life. Being thick is no barrier to success, just look at the pop music charts, or a certain celebrity-containing Californian prison cell.
Read about the 73 year old geezer who is thicker than a 15 year old at Yahoo news.
Sometimes, you just have to acknowledge that you don't have it. Sometimes you have to take the hint and give up. That hint was given to this man some time ago, probably when he failed the exams the first time, and certainly before the 38th time.
Clearly, this man has done well to reach the age of 73. Why bother with qualifications designed for 15 year olds? He has been to the university of life. Being thick is no barrier to success, just look at the pop music charts, or a certain celebrity-containing Californian prison cell.
Read about the 73 year old geezer who is thicker than a 15 year old at Yahoo news.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Crash Helmet Saves Man From Squishing
A cyclist had a lucky escape when a truck ran over his head. Luckily for him, he was wearing a cycle helmet, which was crushed by the truck's wheel. The man himself survived relatively unhurt, with his head remaining unsquished.
This shows the importance of wearing the proper safety equipment when cycling under a truck. Helmets are crucial to cyclists who plan on crashing into large, heavy vehicles if they are to avoid departing this mortal coil in a state of extreme squishedness.
Of course, the best course of action is to avoid cycling under a truck in the first place, but for those danger-seekers who just can't avoid cycling under a truck, a helmet is a must-have piece of kit.
Read about the cyclist who didn't get his head squished at CNN.
This shows the importance of wearing the proper safety equipment when cycling under a truck. Helmets are crucial to cyclists who plan on crashing into large, heavy vehicles if they are to avoid departing this mortal coil in a state of extreme squishedness.
Of course, the best course of action is to avoid cycling under a truck in the first place, but for those danger-seekers who just can't avoid cycling under a truck, a helmet is a must-have piece of kit.
Read about the cyclist who didn't get his head squished at CNN.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Hitchhiking Car Thief Gets Just Desserts
A hitchhiker who stole an old man's car got more than she bargained for in Ottawa, Canada.
The kindly old gentleman had spotted the young woman hitchhiking by the side of the road, and offered her a lift. When the gentleman briefly got out of the car, the hitchhiker jumped into the driving seat and drove off.
Unfortunately she was worse at driving than she was at abusing the trust of her elders and betters, as she rolled the car into trees, sustaining fatal injuries when she was thrown from the vehicle.
A lot of people, mainly crusty old reactionaries, would advocate the death sentence for anybody who steals a car. Stealing the car of an elderly person is doubly appalling, as it may be the only way for him to stay mobile.
This low-down thief did not need to be caught and jailed, as she simply let the laws of physics officiate at her trial. Being spat out of a moving vehicle was the sentence.
Read more about the hitchhiker who crashed a stolen car at the Ottawa Sun website.
The kindly old gentleman had spotted the young woman hitchhiking by the side of the road, and offered her a lift. When the gentleman briefly got out of the car, the hitchhiker jumped into the driving seat and drove off.
Unfortunately she was worse at driving than she was at abusing the trust of her elders and betters, as she rolled the car into trees, sustaining fatal injuries when she was thrown from the vehicle.
A lot of people, mainly crusty old reactionaries, would advocate the death sentence for anybody who steals a car. Stealing the car of an elderly person is doubly appalling, as it may be the only way for him to stay mobile.
This low-down thief did not need to be caught and jailed, as she simply let the laws of physics officiate at her trial. Being spat out of a moving vehicle was the sentence.
Read more about the hitchhiker who crashed a stolen car at the Ottawa Sun website.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Truck Driver Crashes While Checking Doughnuts
A truck driver in North Dakota, USA has rolled his truck over while checking his doughnuts.
The dopey driver took his eyes off the road to look for the doughnuts, which he had carelessly chucked into the truck after he had bought them. He escaped with cuts and bruises. Reports do not say whether the doughnuts survived.
Humans have evolved over millions of years to look after their food. It is only natural to check on your food stores, and make sure that you have enough to live through the tough times ahead. However, it is going a bit far to check on doughnuts while you are driving a large truck. Where did the geezer think they were going?
Maybe he was worried that the doughnuts might seize the steering wheel and head for Mexico. Alternatively, they might have jumped from the moving truck and run for the hills to avoid being eaten.
In future, hopefully this truckie will buy a secure padlocked box and weld it into his cab. This would prevent any possible pastry escapes, and he would be able to watch the road, secure in the knowledge that his doughnuts will be ready for him, so long as the truck is upright.
Read about the truck driver who crashed while checking on his doughnuts at Yahoo news.
The dopey driver took his eyes off the road to look for the doughnuts, which he had carelessly chucked into the truck after he had bought them. He escaped with cuts and bruises. Reports do not say whether the doughnuts survived.
Humans have evolved over millions of years to look after their food. It is only natural to check on your food stores, and make sure that you have enough to live through the tough times ahead. However, it is going a bit far to check on doughnuts while you are driving a large truck. Where did the geezer think they were going?
Maybe he was worried that the doughnuts might seize the steering wheel and head for Mexico. Alternatively, they might have jumped from the moving truck and run for the hills to avoid being eaten.
In future, hopefully this truckie will buy a secure padlocked box and weld it into his cab. This would prevent any possible pastry escapes, and he would be able to watch the road, secure in the knowledge that his doughnuts will be ready for him, so long as the truck is upright.
Read about the truck driver who crashed while checking on his doughnuts at Yahoo news.
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]
